#11 A guide to talking about the crisis in Israel and Palestine around the Christmas dinner table
Language Matters Memo, a monthly newsletter from Sadia Siddiqui, focused on fostering more progressive and inclusive language and discourse.
Hello and welcome to the December issue of The Language Matters Memo. This month's guide is on having productive, non-discriminatory conversations about the ongoing crisis in Israel and Palestine. Unlike my guide for Business Leaders - discussions with family and friends tend to be more forthright. Given this is a Language Matters communication, my objective is to help you to have progressive conversations free of harmful Islamophobic or antisemitic tropes. Just because it's not a professional setting does not mean individuals have the carte blanche to be hateful.
Given it’s the end of the year, rather than the usual singular book/TV/exhibition recommendation, I'm sharing a list of 15 books I crowdsourced from your suggestions on LinkedIn and Instagram. What unites all the recommendations is that they are authentic depictions of underrepresented communities that make members of those groups feel seen.
The books are grouped into categories, and if the title features a yellow heart 💛 it means I've read it too. I hope you find something that piques your inner bookworm and encourages you to learn more about an unfamiliar identity.
Faith:
💛 Jews Don't Count: How Identity Politics Failed One Particular Identity, by David Baddiel: Published in 2021, this book examines the status of antisemitism as a form of racism. Baddiel sets out instances where antisemitism is viewed differently from other forms of discrimination, creating double standards and hatred against Jews. The book covers a range of topics related to Jewish identity, including under-representation in popular media, relationships with Israel and the status of Jews as a minority group. One of the central tenets is that given many, not all, Jews are white/white-passing, it does not mean that they are not open to marginalisation. It also calls on other marginalised groups to include Jews in their activism - an essential and timely reminder.
💛 It's Not About the Burqa: Muslim Women on Faith, Feminism, Sexuality and Race by Mariam Khan: In 2016, Mariam Khan read that former British Prime Minister David Cameron had linked extremism amongst Muslim men to the ‘traditional submissiveness’ of Muslim women. That wasn’t a description Khan recognised, and so she asked the question - why was she hearing about Muslim women from people who were neither Muslim nor female? The book features a series of essays from voices we don't usually see represented, talking frankly about topics including the hijab, wavering faith, love and divorce, feminism, queer identity and sex. Each story is a passionate declaration calling time on the oppression, lazy stereotyping, misogyny, and Islamophobia targeted explicitly at Muslim women.
Sexual Orientation:
Everybody's Talking About Jamie, by Tom MacRae, Dan Gillespie Sell and Jonathan Butterell: Everybody's Talking About Jamie is a multi-media phenomenon encompassing a play, a film and a book. It tells the story of Jamie New, a 16-year-old who doesn't quite fit in. Instead of pursuing a traditional career, he dreams of becoming a drag queen. Uncertain about his future, Jamie knows one thing: he will be a sensation. Supported by his mother and friends, Jamie overcomes discrimination and bullying to step out of the darkness - and into the spotlight. Described by the recommender as having "painful parts with joyous moments too," it sounds like a very uplifting tale.
Race & Ethnicity:
The Wandering by Intan Paramaditha: This is an adult take on the concept of 'Choose Your Own Adventure' books. The premise is that you - the reader - are bored with your predictable life in Jakarta and are inching to escape. A demon lover comes to tempt you with a pair of red shoes that will take you wherever you want to go. You then decide what path to take, knowing that this may mean you risk never returning home. Translated from Indonesian, it struck a chord with the recommender because of the keen observations of Indonesian and Malay cultures. She said, "I laughed so much at the recognition of the little things in the book that a person outside the culture might not get. I like that these were not changed for a Western audience".
Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower by Brittney Cooper: As we are far too familiar, Black women’s anger is often caricatured as a destructive force. In this feminist tome, Cooper shows us that there is more to the story than that. It’s Black women’s eloquent rage that makes Serena Williams such a powerful tennis player. It’s what makes Beyoncé’s girl power anthems resonate so hard. It’s what makes Michelle Obama an icon. Eloquent Rage reminds women that they don’t have to settle for less. This book argues that, ultimately, feminism, friendship, and faith in one's own superpowers are all we need to live life to the fullest. I wanted to add a personal footnote to say that if your feminism isn't intersectional - then it isn’t feminism.
The Right Sort of Girl, by Anita Rani: This is a memoir from the popular British TV personality Anita Rani and chronicles her coming-of-age story of identity. Navigating her Indian world at home and British society outside her front door, she feels she doesn't fit in anywhere. The book provides the advice she wishes her 16-year-old self could have known then: You do not need to bleach your skin; Be your own superhero; You are Indian enough; You don't need to compromise on your own happiness; And that there is no such thing as the right sort of girl.
💛 Ordinary People by Diana Evans: Set against the backdrop of Barack Obama's historic election victory, this book is a window into the lives of two couples - one black and the other interracial. They are all seemingly successful in their own ways, but each is at a crossroads in life and on the cusp of unravelling. The book covers a lot, from grief, motherhood, friendship, race, and identity to relationships and ageing. The storytelling is vivid and original, which makes for a very immersive read.
💛 Queenie by Candice Carty-Williams: Published in 2019 'Queenie' was marketed as the 'Black Bridget Jones', which I think does it a great disservice. The story centres on Queenie Jenkins, a 25-year-old British-Jamaican woman who's not having the best year and is consequently making several questionable life choices. We follow Queenie as she navigates her professional life at a national newspaper, manages complex family relationships, and the realities of London dating life. The person recommending the book described the depictions of online dating as a Black British woman as "eerily accurate". Queenie touches on many important topics in an accessible yet authentic way.
💛 What’s In A Name? Friendship, Identity and History in a Modern Multicultural Britain by Sheela Banerjee: This is one of my favourite reads of the year, so I couldn't help but plug it again. You can read my review from August's newsletter here.
Disability:
The View From Down Here by Lucy Webster: Women's lives are shaped by sexism and societal expectations. Conversely, disabled people's lives are shaped by ableism and a lack of expectation. The View From Down Here explores what happens when you are subjected to both sets of rules. Webster, a journalist and disability advocate, explores this intersection, from the challenges to the joys and unseen realities of being a disabled woman navigating education, work, dating and friendship to learning to accept your body against a prevailing narrative that somehow is broken and in need of fixing. This book shines a much-needed light on topics many individuals shy away from, even within diversity and inclusion circles.
Gender:
💛 Stronger by Poorna Bell: Part memoir and part manifesto, Stronger describes how Bell took up weightlifting after the death of her husband and how discovering her physical strength helped her to find confidence in other aspects of her life. As well as exploring Bell's own story, we are given access to a range of other women's stories, investigating intersections of race, age and social background. Stronger dispels old-fashioned notions and beliefs about what it means to be strong and the relationship between mental and physical strength.
Neurodiversity:
Two Wrongs Make a Right (The Wilmost Sister #1) by Chloe Liese: In this contemporary reimagining of Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing, Jamie and Bea have nothing in common except the mutual understanding that they couldn't be more wrong for each other. When the people closest to them play Cupid and trick them into going on a date, they realise they have something else in common - an undeniable need for revenge. Liese is the author of 10 inclusive romance novels that reflect her belief that everyone deserves a love story. Many of her characters portray underrepresented experiences, including depictions of neurodiversity. Liese is a proponent and supporter of #OwnVoices, writing to represent Autism Spectrum Disorder and other marginalised voices.
Social Mobility/Class:
Lowborn: Growing Up, Getting Away and Returning to Britain’s Poorest Towns, by Kerry Hudson: This book explores the view that poverty is a choice and that if you work hard enough, you can avoid its fate. Part memoir, part sociological study, Lowborn charts the dehumanising poverty Hudson experienced growing up. She attended nine primary and five secondary schools and spent much of her life in short-term accommodation and social housing. Today, her life as a successful novelist is unrecognisable, but her memories remain just as vivid. Hudson revisits the towns she grew up in to explore what being poor means in the UK today and whether anything has changed.
A guide to talking about the crisis in Israel and Palestine around the Christmas dinner table
⚠️: Content Warning for Racist Language and Terminology.
This guide was inspired by a comment that Layla Moran, a Liberal Democrat MP, made on 30th November's edition of Question Time - a British current affairs programme featuring a panel discussion comprising individuals across the political divide.
Moran is the party's spokesperson for Foreign Affairs and is herself of Palestinian Christian origin, with family in Gaza.
Halfway through the programme (37:36), she was asked the following by an audience member: “Is it time for the UK Government to join others around the world to call for a permanent ceasefire in Gaza?"
She responded by saying "Yes" and then shared more thoughts. I’d encourage you to watch her response in its entirety here, as context is always critical, but the quote that resonated most with me was:
“There is something about this [situation] that makes people want to pick sides. Can I just point out that the [UK] Government has picked a side, and it feels that way to the Palestinian people. But you don't have to pick a side. You can stand with Israel and care about innocent civilians in Palestine. You can stand with Palestine and want the hostages returned and Hamas gone. At the moment, the Government is not saying that - they are saying pick a side, and I disagree [with that]”.
Before we get any further, I want to make clear I'm not a member of the “Why can't we all just get along? We're all one race, the human race” brigade. Whilst I'm not disputing the sentiment of these words, they give 'All Lives Matter' vibes when used in this context and can be seen as shutting down the conversation, which is the last thing we should do right now.
Whilst discussions on this topic aren't easy, they’re essential. It's also crucial to state that I stand by Moran's comments above and her call for the Palestinian right to self-determination. Whether that is a two-state or one-state solution, we need to find a permanent resolution for the Palestinian and Israeli citizens who deserve long-term peace. Not a return to life before the devastating events of October 7th - when the world was happy to look the other way when it came to the plight of the Palestinians. If we claim to stand against violence and injustice and for human rights, we must stand for that wherever injustice is known.
The guide is formed around various discussion points. Given that Language Matter exists to promote more inclusive language and discourse, I’ve focussed on responses to the most common and harmful narratives you may need help navigating. The guide is not an exhaustive list of questions and statements about this issue. It’s designed to provide you with responses to outright racism and statements that are binary, seek to shut discussions down and deny each other's humanity.
The Jews control everything. The war is part of the plan - they own the media industry, conspire together, and everyone is in their pocket!
Response: This is an antisemitic trope. It's a harmful narrative that feeds into other stereotypes about money and greed and this idea of Jews as puppet masters. In some instances where we may have a historical over-representation of Jews in a particular industry, e.g. banking or the entertainment industry, it's because they may have been barred from other industries or sought employment in sectors that were looked down on historically by the establishment at the time, e.g. Hollywood. This isn't a narrative we should entertain, as it's racist.
Palestinians voted for Hamas. It's their fault - they shouldn’t have voted for them. They bought this on themselves.
Response: This is a discriminatory and inhumane way to look at this crisis. The last election in the Gaza Strip was 16 years ago; half the Gaza population comprises those under 15. Elections have been impossible due to disagreements on candidate lists and balloting processes. Gaza functions as a de facto one-party state under Hamas' rule, and that prevents any opportunities for a change in the political status quo. We can't conflate civilians in Gaza with Hamas. People, no matter where they reside, aren't their governments. The people of Gaza should not have to endure the collective punishment they are enduring. Even wars have rules that need to be adhered to.
It's trendy to jump on the Pro-Palestinian bandwagon! What do these kids know?
Response: Young people speaking up is a demonstration of allyship. Allyship is a lifelong process of building and nurturing supportive relationships with underrepresented, marginalised, or discriminated individuals or groups to advance inclusion. When a group is marginalised (e.g. the LBGTQIA+ or the Black community), they are attuned to seeing other instances of marginalisation, and this is why we have seen so many social justice advocates calling for a free Palestine. It's a recognition that my rights are your rights. We should be hopeful that people feel confident to speak out. We live in highly individualised societies, and the sense of community is something to celebrate, as is a politically engaged younger generation.
Palestinians are inherently violent. What did they expect?
Response: Much like the Jewish conspiracy theories, and especially since 9/11, we’ve been fed a steady narrative that Muslims are barbaric. This is an example of Islamophobia, which is a form of racism and is highly problematic. This also conflates Palestinian people with Hamas; they are not the same.
People don’t know enough and should stay out of it!
Response: This can be a tactic to stop discussions because of people’s discomfort. The history may be complicated and nuanced, but there is nothing complicated about people being killed. Not expressing compassion at this time for people who may not look or pray like us isn’t something to be encouraged. I’d encourage everyone who doesn’t feel like they know enough to become better informed and encourage the same of others.
The Israelis are acting like Nazis!
Response: Making comparisons to Nazism and the Holocaust is painful and triggering to those who are survivors or descendants. We can talk about the devastation of what is happening in Gaza and across Palestine without making this direct comparison.
We need to look after our own right now; we're hurting.
Response: This isn't some macabre competition where any empathy shown to either dead Palestinians/Israelis means there is less available to show to others. There should be no limit on our humanity or ability to empathise with anyone suffering, no matter where they reside.
There are 48 Muslim countries. Why don't they go there?
Response: This is the literal definition of ethnic cleansing. No one, irrespective of race, ethnicity or religion, should be expelled from their homes. It’s highly problematic to express this view or call for this, and perhaps the question we should ask ourselves and others is, ‘Why should they go somewhere else?’
How can I talk about this without saying the wrong thing? I’m scared of making a mistake.
It’s great that you’re not allowing your discomfort to silence you, but you are right to be mindful. In addition to the discussion points above, I’d encourage you to ensure you:
Practice specificity: Refer to the nations involved, e.g. ‘Israel’ versus euphemisms such as ‘the Jews’. Make a clear distinction between Hamas and Palestinian people.
Appreciate diversity: Not all Jews are white. Not all Palestinians are Muslim. Don’t reduce discussions to one ethnicity or faith.
Humanise: Avoid depictions of people as non-human, e.g. animals or vermin. This is a highly problematic practice.
Counter stereotypes: Be alert to stereotyping people as “good’ or ‘evil’ based on their faith/ethnicity/race.
Empathise: Do not diminish the genuine fears people have regarding Islamophobia and antisemitism.
Diversify your information sources: We can exist within our echo chambers, and there’s comfort in that. Practice media literacy and assess the quality of the sources you share.
Do not post in anger: We’ve seen images of devastation that we’ve all been horrified by. It’s natural to feel emotions, including anger. Sharing and raising awareness is good, but take a moment before posting to ensure you’re not sharing something harmful and discriminatory.
Think critically: Comfort and safety are not the same thing. Discomfort is when one’s ideas are challenged; safety is being free of physical harm. Don’t conflate the two. Geopolitical discussions can be uncomfortable, but that doesn’t mean we should not have them.
This is a highly emotive topic, and we must continue to think critically about what we say and remain open to narratives that may be new and uncharted as we all seek to educate ourselves and learn more.
That’s it for 2023. I remain ever hopeful that in the coming days, we will hear the much-needed news that a permanent ceasefire has been instigated, all the hostages have returned, and talks are being held for a long-term solution for the people of Israel and Palestine. It’s my only wish as we head into the festive season.
Before I sign off, I wish everyone who celebrates a peaceful and restful Christmas and look forward to sharing more thoughts, recommendations and guides with you in 2024. Thank you for your support and for reading my words. I appreciate every one of you.
From my family to yours,